My Very Serious Diary

Extracts from Ann's diary of 1990, written soon after a period in Grangemead, a local hospital for psychiatric care. A Day Centre called Sturton Place existed at that time and the occupational therapist Alison taught Ann how to make new cards from old.

2nd January Sturton reopened.

3rd January Feeling very happy and people say I look well. Took no chances and took another Chloropromazine.

4th January Down to Sturton again. Spoke to Alison who reassured me that I can always be at Sturton.

9th January
Spoke to Gwyeth who said I had spoken previously about the same matters(Gwyneth was Ann's designated psychiatric nurse).Speaking next Wednesday about death.

15th January
More Low that High
Weight 13 stone 9lbs. The cards went down very well especially the Butterfly one. Vi wants a card. She has chosen the Black Kitten.

17 January
Long talk with Ross about Death. I wonder whether I am the odd man out who does not believe.Saw Alison-another long talk about death. Explained that the cats were worse(children) and their dead bodies- she shuddered which shows how deep it is--------- Hippie----! (Ann and Mac had two much loved cats Poppy and Minkie, also referred to as "the ladies").

25th January

Sturton as usual.Made some headway on cards. Leslie to pay me £1.89, really didn't want to take it as she is so nice. I wonder if I am a nice person? Don't understand

6th February
Went down to Sturton. Leslie showed me how to decoupage very small intricate items. I had a go when I got home but could only do it with great difficulty.

8th February
Weighed in again at 13st 9lb- in a way I don't want to lose too much because of my face but I feel ugly in the body. I wonder if slim people know what the feeling is like?

15th February
Appointment with Ross at Sturton. Long chat about Death. She knows someone who has seen the face of Christ in an aeroplane where there was a chance of a crash- photo follow-up.

Down 2lbs on Sturton scales.

17 February
Slept on the floor for a couple of hours, it was only when I started to do the accounts that I woke up. Can't get budget to agree, will have another go tomorrow.

21st February
Extremely low for about an hour or two. Still fairly negative but o.k.
Watched a video on death with Ross. Can't associate myself with it and yet when I look at Mac and especially the cats,it isn't enough to say that I am truly horrified (how many people feel this??).

22nd February Saw Dr. Ahmed. He is quite pleased with me. If I can cut down the Chlor, I should do it very carefully.

23rd February Got a lot of signatures for Gwyneth's leaving card.

28th February
Not a lot today! Someone told me that if your assets under £8.000, you can get a rebate on Poll Tax-----don't believe it at all.

26th February
14 stone this evening. Decided yog instead of fried egg!! Starting tomorrow I will try to get under 13 stone.

15th March
Have missed quite a few days, must keep it up. Very tired, did my usual flop down by the fire.

21st March
Watched a film on death with Ross. I am still appalled at the way the church conducts funerals, if it happens to me, it will finish me off completely!